So it's starting to get to crunch time for the play. Costumes are being donned, lines are no longer being stumbled over and shifts at work are becoming less frequent.
The first story begins a week ago however after yet another long rehearsal. The trek back from Brooklyn is long and painful at the best of times, when you realize you don't have enough money for the train on you it makes it even worse. After a combination of begging Ollie for quarters and jumping the barrier proved to be a success we heard the unmistakeable rattle of a train passing overhead. Fuck. We were going to miss it. A mad dash followed, I did that thing that kids do when they run upstairs two steps at a time, and I made it in just as the doors were closing. Phew! a close call.
Ollie and I sat there complaining about how tired we were and how much rehearsing over in Park Slope sucks. Pretty soon we both found ourselves nodding off just a bit. Then the train came hurtling out of the tunnel and over a bridge. It pulled into Ditmas Avenue. Delighted that I had reception I whipped my phone out and started waving it around hoping I was popular enough to receive a text. I wasn't. Then Ollie grabbed my arm with a look of error in her eyes. 'We're heading in the wrong direction.' I laughed off her idiocy and checked the map to make sure...... we were indeed heading in the wrong direction. So we jumped off at the next stop only to see a train heading in the right direction pulling out of the station. We trudged across the platform and waited, in the cold. It was 11 at night, in deepest, darkest Brooklyn and I wanted to cry. The word 'fuck' emanated from my mouth a fair few times. Eventually a train came and we were back where we started an hour after we had left.
Before I went home I stopped off for a comfort burger at my favorite Burger place in New York.... they got my order wrong and I waited half an hour for a cheeseburger. It was a bad night.
So in this play I am playing the part of a 15 year old boy. In order to create this illusion I have had a haircut into a nice side parting, similar to the one I sported in my Goodwyn's days and am very clean shaven. However there is one problem. In the play I take my shirt off. Now the three women who have sen me topless (Mum and both grandma's) can testify that I have a slight smattering of chest hair.... the director told me that this would have to go.
So the other day in the shower I thought I would give this a trial run. I sought the advice of many women about the pro's and con's of shaving versus waxing. Essentially though it is free to shave so that's the way I went.
I started with the chest, no problem there, came right off. I had now reached the point of no return, it would have looked weird to have stopped so it was all or nothing. I then encountered the tricky area of the nipple, the most sensitive place I would be shaving. Thanks to some dexterous hand movements and the fingers of a sculptor, I was able to remove the hair without a problem. Then it was time for my belly. This was where the hair was at its thickest and most stubborn. Eventually after half an hour I was done and looking as smooth as baby's bottom.
The next day though I started to itch..... and when I say itch I mean burn..... and when I say burn I mean want to tear the skin from my bones. Work was hell. Every 5 minutes I was rushing to the toilet for a heavenly scratch.
Even worse just two days later the hair had started to grow back so now my body just looked like a fat girls vagina which had been poorly gardened.
So yesterday was phase two of the shaving. This time however I lathered the fuck up before and baby powdered the shit outta myself afterwards.
If you would like to see my hairless body then make sure you get a ticket to the play!
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showcode=TRE7
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