A Week of Geek

So the theme for this week has certainly been 'Geek' and it's a theme I have thoroughly embraced.. I pre warn for some people this update will make limited and little sense... but do read it will offer all the usual odd musings.

As I said geek was the word this week and the first geeky act to regale you all with took place on Thursday. Now I don't have school on Thursday and the other two guys in my class have long since banded around the idea of Star Wars Thursday... stay with me here people... I'll happily admit I am a fan, I've seen all the films and think they are good (well the original 3) I am not however a crazed fanboy who gives a shit if Han shot first, but I decided that Star Wars Thursday should indeed be this thursday.

So I awoke early on wednesday and journeyed to the Upper East Side to my friends apartment, snacks in tow and arrived ready for a day of lightsabers, Jedi's and Siths. Now my friends roomates have between them two dogs, one currently has the worst cough you could imagine. Anytime it moves or is even remotely excited it weezes uncontrollably for twenty minutes, not unlike Darth Vader really. The other dog is a puppy, but it's huge and is completely unaware of it's surroundings in relation to it's size. So for 8 hours the background to the films was one dog dying on its arse while the other hurtled around smashing and breaking anything of value in the apartment.

And so with two dogs a million miles away from Crufts dying and smashing respectively we began...... Da da da da, da da da da da da da da da daaaaaaaa..... Daaaaa da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da (that's the theme for those who are wondering) Controversially we stared with Episode 3 which was obviously made in '05. I was pro the original trilogy however my friend Tim felt they would hold more gravitas if we saw the fall of Anakin.

So after 2 and a half hours of terrible acting (Hayden Christensen you are a disgrace to your trade) and some even worse dialogue as George Lucas showcases that living your life obsessed with Wookies and The Force causes one to lose touch with human dialogue. Finally Ewan McGregor makes a big speech, Anakin... you dick, you were the chosen one, or something along those lines. Hayden dons the black helmet and screams NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Episode 4....Da da da da... you get the idea. Now obviously in the story Episode 4 takes place after Episode 3 however they made over 20 years apart so suddenly when Alec Guinness and Darth layeth the smack down it doesn't have the same impact as a CGI Yoda double backflipping and beating up a robot.

As Darth revealed his big secret I left for home deciding not to watch a group of little teddy bears bring down the Empire. I'm not gonna lie to you here I 100% imagined I had a lightsaber and was picking of Stormtroopers left right and centre in the shower that evening.

So the next part of geekery came on Friday night with the release of Watchmen in cinemas. I read the book a few months ago after hearing great things about it and it's actually good. Once you're over the fact you are reading a giant comic you get really into it.
I was excited for the movie but wasn't simultaneously creaming my pants with every internet geek who writes a blog....wait a second....

Now my problem arose in that I wanted to go see the movie but had nobody to go with, my Star Wars boys had been given 2 free tickets (pricks) and my roommate who would've seen it with me was out of town. Dylan was unavailable for other reasons.
Now those that can read between the lines of previous messages will have worked out I've been seeing a girl... well now she gets a name... Anna.
Yes that's right Ladies and Gentlemen I asked the hot girl who is way out of my league to come and see the geekiest film of the year with me. Chutzpah... I've got it.
She agreed!!!! However I would have to owe her one... her giant Sex and the City box set looked like being forced upon my eyes.

So I book the tickets thursday for Friday night.... yes that's right a full 24 hours before to see a movie! We arrive for the 10:30 showing nice and early at 9:45... but something isn't right, they are selling comic books outside and the stench of retainers and inhalers is wafting throughout the cinema. We get to the our screen at 10 and there is a que of about 200 people!!!! what... the... fuck!!!
Thankfully I make the bold decision to wait for a seat on the balcony and we are able to watch the film with a good view.
Now like I said I'm not a fanboy.. I like the book. So no I didn't care about the lack of squid, or lack of black freighter, or lack of Under the Hood. It was a good movie. Anna was expecting a nice comic book Spiderman type affair, so when The Comedian bends Silk Spectre over a Pool table and rapes her Anna started to worry! She did however enjoy it....

And as for owing her a favour.... well she got so drunk on saturday night I pretended to be really pissed off so she felt guilty and I am no longer in her debt.... like I said, Chutzpah.

Name drop.

Michael Harris - Watching Revenge of the Sith before the others makes it all so sad. Anakin has been through so much and he's just trapped in that suit.. and nobody knows... really puts a different spin on things.

Rebecca Gilmore (again I know!) - I'm doing a scene from a play and the author is called Rebecca Gilman.. is this one of the many variations on your name we use!!??

Jamie Simon Slavin - Your most recent photo album is probably the funniest thing on Facebook

A Vast Improv....ment

So after a few weeks of writing about things not regarding the reason I am out here I thought I would update everyone with some acting stuff...

I take an Improv class at school and needless to say I am the teachers pet. She loves me. Maybe it's because I have a very overactive imagination and this gives me the chance to just go and not think. Anyways after a glowing report in class (anyone who went to school with me will know that's rare) she suggested I try an open mic night an an improv theatre. She suggested The Peoples Improv Theatre.
How the open mic, or improdome as it is I guess comically called, works is that teams of 2 to 4 people stand up, take a suggestion from the audience and then create a scene. Unfortunately I couldn't convince my two friends to come with me and so went alone. 
Suffice to say I was nervous, I mean I had no idea if I was funny or not or if these random people would laugh at me but I sucked it up signed my name up to be placed in a team and decided I needed some Dutch courage.

The show started... a fat... well a fat loser walked on the stage and made a joke about Battlestar Galactica which precisely zero people responded to, sensing he was on the back foot he slunk away and called the first team on the stage.
Any fears I had about not being funny were washed away as I watched 3 people die on their feet, one guy constantly mugging to the crowd whilst a girl tried desperately to create a scene. All the while someone who can only be described as Lloyd from Entourage pranced about.

Next up were an even worse team. They would probably have been o.k had they not had a Jack Black wanna be in their midst. He took his shirt off, jiggled his belly, pulled stupid faces and shouted about bearded ladies giving hand-jobs... he tried so hard to be funny it was painful. He pretended to be gay, a woman and English all in one scene.... He was however still funnier than Dane Cook.

After that shambles Battlestar Galactica man was back up and calling my name out along with 3 other random guys. I walked onto the stage to be greeted by a scared looking middle aged black man, a man with the bushiest beard ever and a homeless guy..... 'This could be interesting' I thought.

Now essentially in improv you are meant to take any suggestion given to you by the person you are acting with, so if I said "Wow it's such a hot day" it would be bad if my scene partner said "No...it's snowing."..... With that in mind I will now describe the train wreck that was our 4 man team.
So our suggestion was looking at the stars.... The homeless guy then proceeded to imitate a star...fine, however he did nothing else...just.... twinkled. After that we ended up in a doctors office... but the homeless guy barged into the scene and demanded someone french kiss his belt buckle. It was at this point I unfortunately was first able to smell the homeless man. After attempting to rearrange the scene to suit the homeless guy he was off again... running to the stage curtains and wrapping himself in them.... he said nothing. So me and nervous black guy started doing a scene in a therapists office. Next thing I know I hear a sound coming from the curtains. The homeless guy is screaming "I am the Pope of New York...woooooooo." Nervous black guy looked terrified. 
Bushy beard man takes up the initative and pretends to look at some art, nervous black guy starts going crazy demanding to be 'held back'... so I restrain him. He then starts speaking for 2 minutes about the Mona Lisa only to be interrupted by the homeless guy demanding someone French Kiss his belt buckle and then feigning a heart attack. 
The lights went down.... we were done.
As we trudged back to our seats bushy beard guy and nervous black guy high fived me as homeless guy wandered off into the night.
On Wednesday I will be going back to the Improdome... however I will demand that my two friends come with me

So before I return home in June my goal is to get signed by an agency. Now our school isn't showcasing until June so I've taken matters into my own hands and decided to whore myself out to agencies and try to get their attention. I started the process a few weeks ago by getting my headshots done by a nice Japanese man named Moto and have since brushed up my resume. I sent off a load of headshots, letters and resumes to agents as the next step.

After that I planned on cold calling. So last thursday I spent the whole day traipsing around Manhattan smiling politely and blagging my way past security to get into agents offices. Now you aren't supposed to turn up at Agents doors... not in New York anyways. So instead of asking to see any agents I have started by merely charming the receptionists. Now every single agency either has an overly gay receptionist, a hot female receptionist, or a bitter rejected actor for a receptionist. The trick is to avoid the latter and flirt with the first two. So I Englished up my accent a little and poked my dimples to make them seem deeper and off I went. 

I was on a roll, gay receptionists loving the dimples. Hot receptionists giggling slightly at the accent things were going well. I thought the day would be hell but it turned out O.K until I reached my final destination. The final agency had been recommended to me so I walked in full of the joys of May with my final envelope of goodies. As I walked in I knew things would be different, this agency was big... the shit if you will. I reached the receptionist... "HI" I blared in my fully clipped accent with just a hint of London charm. The receptionist looked up... she wasn't hot... she wasn't gay... oh god... she was a failed actress. My heart sank. "What do you want?" I panicked... no longer was I suave, no longer was my accent a weapon, merely an obstacle which would stop her from understanding me. I blurted out something about a headshot and representation which she barely acknowledged. I was losing... then it hit me... THE DIMPLES, WHIP OUT THE DIMPLES. So I smiled an odd slightly creepy smile which was met with an unenthusiastic look. I dropped my headshot on the desk and darted out..... I tell you something, acting is hard!

So name drop

Joanna Williams - I hope you enjoyed that read, and are now safely in Highgate.

Jack Burke - I do believe I have never name checked you! Ridiculous! Your video message still made me laugh.

Spurs fans - At least you didn't lose pathetically to Barnsley this weekend.

Miss you all

Rob