What Not to Do

Shalom
It's early but as I sit here in front of West Ham v Man U I thought I'd write my update.

So I have finished my first term at NYFA, and in order to commemorate this my whole class and another had to perform a monologue we had been working on for an audience one evening. The process leading up to this had been pretty long, I mean I knew my monologue very well and could knock it out no problems.
Now I had decided to go for a more comedy based piece, the whole premise of my monologue was a dickhead talking about how he bullied his fat mother, lovely. Unfortunately all the girls in my class decided they wanted to go for DRAMA!!! So for the last few weeks I have had to hear monologues about molesting Uncles, Women who deserve equal rights and the unsexiest girl ever try and seduce a man whilst dressed as a hooker, it's been a test of endurance.
So on Monday it was finally time to perform these monologues, I was first up, a little nervous but hey I got to swear on stage thus killing the demons that have plagued me since playing Bill Smiley aged 17 and Tim Norton making me say Piss Off instead of Fuck Off, despite Tom Penn's best attempts to make me say Fuck. I guess I did O.K, but thats not the point of this story.
After my piece I sat and watched.... and watched... and watched and FINALLY the last guy was up. Now he was from the other class so I didn't really know him. His name.... Robert Wu.
Mr. Wu waltzed onto the stage and started his monologue. (On a side note Diego Tristan just came on for West Ham.... I remember him as a goal machine on CM, what a fall from grace!!) So... Mr. Wu, yes, he started his monologue and after about 30 seconds he paused and whispered "Oh my God" then went back to the star of is monologue. Wow, I thought that was great acting, I genuinely believed that this guy had forgotten his lines but it was part of the piece... right?
Wrong, Mr. Wu stopped short again, but instead of calmly walking off the stage, or composing himself, or even attempting some improv, Mr. Wu reacted.... well he reacted badly.
He started jumping up and down on the spot screaming "NO NO NO." He then slunk off the stage and kicked the wall. Jesus H. Christ it was intense.... but then Mr. Wu came back! Hooray! He started again but 10 seconds in he messed up...again. Dejected he walked off and all that could be heard in the auditorium was the thudding sound of Mr. Wu slowly banging his head against a wall in frustration.
Thankfully they eventually decided to go to a curtain call. 3 Days later we received a DVD of the monologue presentation, I am yet to watch myself but have watched, nay studied Mr. Wu's breakdown and am shocked that they continued to film the meltdown...even going to a close up at his most painful moment!!!
Johannes would be proud because they never stopped filming.

Game just finished... United are gonna walk it this year aren't they. Oh joy it's the full time analysis with Warren Barton (!!!) who instead of talking to the anchor looks straight down the camera, it's very unnerving, especially if you are watching the game in not many clothes.... Sorry I should have said England International Warren Barton.

I live 2 doors down from Duane Reed, which is kind of a combination of Boots and a cornershop. I have often frequented there in the wee hours of the morning when needing the oddest things (work it out). The thing is I have never...ever known service so unbelievably bad.

The staff that work there are useless, actually thats to kind, they are beyond useless.
My favourite however is a gay guy who works there called Ashanti. Ashanti is, bless him, not working at Duane Reed for the love of the job. I was waiting in line to but some shampoo one evening when I noticed Ashanti taking his sweet time counting out the change for the customer next to me and also getting it wrong. The customer rolled his eyes which led Ashanti to say to him, "Ewww you have Cum on your face." On closer inspection the customer did have some fluff on his chin, however the accusation that he had been munching down on dick did not sit kindly with him.
"What did you say!!"
"I said you have dirt on your face"
"No you didn't, you said cum"
"No I did not"
This continued until the manager arrived and backed up Ashanti.
I expected to never see Ashanti again after this however a few weeks later I walked into Duane Reed and heard a shriek emanating from behind the till. "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR SNEAKERS... WHERE ARE THEY FROM" I was slightly taken aback by Ashanti's love of my Nike's, yet before I could answer he was being reprimanded for being over an hour late for work!
There are many other stars at Duane Reed. There's the ongoing battle between the Hispanic 40 year old and the feisty Black girl with cushin' for the pushin' about allowing there friends to come and visit them at work. 
Phone girl, who I am yet to see not texting when serving a customer, and a whole host of others. Every time I go in there it's a new experience.
It unfortunately takes forever to get anything because everyone who works there is either stupid or hates their job.


NAME DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

Twenty Squids League Boys - I can't take this anymore, I'm very crap at this. I also want Daniel Gilbert tested for drugs to prove he has not been enhancing his performance through illegal means.

Louise - Or should I say George....

Daniel Marshall - Haven't said it for a while..... Marshall You leeeeegend.

It's gonna be a Boston special update next week.... 


Miss you all

Rob